The Words I Can't Say

The Words I Can't Say.

Did you ever stop believing in love?
Did you ever feel that you've stopped loving someone?
Or have you ever thought about what it would be like
If someone stopped loving you?
Do you ever get the crazy urge to just walk away?
Or that life could have been so much different had things gone differently?
Why am I so angry right now? Why is it that every time I think of you and those you have loved in the past, that I feel mad?
Because I feel, if they never left you, you would have never come to love me.
You say I am the only one you can love, but that's not true.
There are many you may have come to love just as deeply, maybe even deeper
Had I not crossed your path.
Am I just a choice you made? A choice you regret?
Why is it that no matter how many times you say it, no matter how sincere or convincing you may seem, that I have no faith in what you say to me.
I love you.
Is it a lie?
Of course you say it isn't.
Do you mean it?
Do I love you?
Do you think I love you?
Do you believe me?
I cry for reasons unknown.
Frustration, sadness, loneliness?
I feel like there's nobody who can hear me shout, hear me cry and feel the warm melancholy of my tears.
What am I supposed to do?
How can I say it?
These things to you.
Instead, I cower and hide this ugly face of mine.
I'll pretend to be okay, a materialized happiness.
But I feel the impending weight
That has yet to be lifted from my shoulders.
This overwhelming sense of insecurity creeps in my shadow.
One day, I'll say it to your face.
I love you.
Believe it or not
I won't stop saying it until you believe me.
And maybe if I'm lucky
I'll hear these words from you.
And I'll believe them too.
Because I never stopped believing in love.
I've never stopped loving you.
And I couldn't live, if you ever stopped
Loving me.